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Communication Tips for Parents
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Be Available For Your Children
- Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk—for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the car—and be available.
- Start the conversation. It lets your kids know you care about what is happening in their lives.
- Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid scheduling other activities during that time.
- Learn about your child’s interests—for example, favorite music, and activities—and show interest in them.
- Initiate conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than beginning a conversation with a question.
Let Your Kids Know You Are Listening
- When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.
- Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
- Listen to their point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear.
- Let them complete their point of view or comments before you respond.
- Repeat what you have heard them say to ensure that you understood them correctly.
Respond in a Way Your Children Will Hear
- Soften strong reactions. Kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
- Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it is OK to disagree.
- Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, “I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think.”
- Focus on your child’s feelings rather than on your own during your conversation.
Remember
- Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings or help in solving a problem.
- Kids learn by imitating. Most often they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems, and work through difficult feelings.
- Talk to your children—don’t lecture, criticize, threaten, or say hurtful things.
- Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don’t feel you have to step in.
- Realize that your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk, and they may share the rest of the story.
- From the American Psychological Association, www.helping.apa.org
- For copies of Communication Tips for Parents, call 1-800-268-0078
This handout prepared for you by Carroll County School Psychologists.
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